How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
