Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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