Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize