Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
