I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
