You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
