9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
