Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
