He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
