so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
