Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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