you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
