'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
