Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
