you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
