His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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