My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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