you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize