You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
