On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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