i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
