Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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