Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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