Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
