in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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