She said her name was "party"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
