i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize