dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
