Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
