my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
