i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize