that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
