But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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