Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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