You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no, he came in my armpit
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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