My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
