she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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