I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
