I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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