Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
