They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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