Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
