I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
