We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
