I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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