Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
