Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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