i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
