My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
