I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
