I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
