wanna go halves on a baby?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
