the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
