My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
