yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize