through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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