Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
