Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
