Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
