This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
