"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
