I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
