Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
