you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
