I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
