my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
worst night to have a conscience
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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