His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
