I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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