So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
