In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
