Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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