you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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