I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't deserve a penis
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
