She is in my trunk
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
