Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
