Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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