1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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