My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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