my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
