i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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