Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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