I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
