I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
