Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
