return my video game
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize