In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
