ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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