Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
where am i from again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
