Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
