I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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