His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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