I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
