I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
