I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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