Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dignity is for republicans.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
