You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize