a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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