I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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