The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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