I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Send help, water and tortillas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
