I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When are your genitals available?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
