Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i've created a new STD.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
