So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
