He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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