I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I want to fling myself into the sun
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
