Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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