good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
