I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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