just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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