i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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