I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
